when i felt alone

my parents wonder why i'm so distant from them and think they've done everything right. they don't realize how much pretending parts of my life don't exist affects me and my perception of them. if i'm not fully here, then i'm not able to be touched. that's why i don't touch them. because i'm not here anyway. that's why i don't touch anybody. that's why it's so hard.

i blame them for me being so cold on the outside.