god. what it means, what it means.

i had a conversation with mr rosenfield...on facebook. yeah on facebook. but nevertheless, a conversation about the new year...and about how january 1st means so much more this year than it ever has. of course, he and i were referring to application deadlines...but as i think about it...it's much more than that.

this is 2007. this is the year of our birth.
and death.

on may 31st, 5 whole (or short) months away, we will die. though, life, like the novel it is or tries to be, writes foreshadowing into every day, every hour. i haven't even been accepted yet. but i cried last night, because i missed sean. i missed him so much i thought i was going to faint. and then i missed anna. and anna. and jamie. god i missed jamie. i've known her so long.
and then leslie, who i've known the longest of them all.
it's like losing limbs. how can i go on without them?

i know it's an old story. it's nothing. it's nothing. it's nothing.

but it hurts like...like
i shut my eyes and all the world drops dead

except my eyes are open.
so i can't lift my lids so all is born again.

until august. then i am reborn.