when i didn't get into amherst, cried, missed annas, and then copied castro's blog to get my mind off things

Freshman Year:
I hung around with Porter kids; mainly Jamie, Shant, Jonathan, Ali, Azia, Leslie, and Ben, who I played cello with in 8th grade. I rode the school bus every day, and made friends with a few kids who sat by me: Margarita, these two twins named Shimshone (who I would always compete for grades against) and Josh (who I had a big crush on), and their friend Sean. In Bio, I had a huge crush on Stephen, who knew this redheaded girl who came out to me the same day I came out to her named Amy. Amy joined with the porter kids' group, as well as this girl named Tina. Occasionally this guy Joe would eat lunch with us, bringing his quiet friend whose name I could never remember...Annie?...Andrea?...I went to Amy's huge birthday party where I met Shannon. Shannon and I got close; she introduced me to her friend Juan and we dated for a while. I went out with him and his friends; Cameron, this long-haired guy Ulysses, and this familiar looking girl named Maeve. I met this quiet girl Sanam and her friends Katie and Allison, who liked Amy. I had Tennis with this girl named Michelle who was really smart. I missed playing Cello so my mom brought me to work to introduce me to her coworker's son who also liked to play an instrument though a random one...flute?...for some reason, where I met Raymond, the only gay guy I've ever met out of nowhere.

Sophomore Year:
I had Netzley for World History, and there I met this guy I didn't like very much named Spencer, who had really red hair and wore noisy jackets and made rich republican comments. I had weight training with Amy and this freshman Ana I knew from orchestra in middle school. Juan met my friend Raymond, and they started dating. I was best friends with Olivia, a girl I used to like in middle school. Her, Margarita, and I were always together. Olivia met Juan's friend Ulysses and crushed on him. She also met my friend since Kindergarten, Brendan, and they kind of dated, but then he transferred to Cleveland and became friends with Ulysses. I went to Julie's over winter and met her friend Cedric who was going off to college soon. I went to Raymond's birthday party with Olivia and met his ex Hugo, who I dated but never got to hang out with. I had this girl Abby in my Calc class Amy and I talked to quite a bit. She talked about her friends Anna and Eric (who i saw once and I thought was a less-attractive version of my childhood friend Kevin) once in a while, but mostly we talked about sex. There was this funny guy with long hair who sat on the other side of the room I didn't really know. Jamie was in Yearbook and tried to introduce me to this girl i somewhat recognized named Anna Harley. I don't remember why, but my second semester French class had different people, and Anna was in it and so was this other quiet girl who read a lot. The first thing I ever said to her was "Is that a good book?" (referring to Life of Pi) and she said yes. She turned out to be Abby's friend, Anna Castro. I met this guy named Sean at the park one day, and I immediately fell in love. Jamie brought me into Yearbook as an honorary member because I was sooo going to be in it my junior year, and I helped make stamps. She introduced me to the Yearbook adviser, Mrs. Allford, who I thought was nice.

Junior Year:
first semester-
I had every class with an Anna. (except English) Therefore, we became the Triumvirate of Love. I was still dating Sean, love of my life. In Yearbook I met Taylor, who is one of the most awesome people alive. I had Physics with Abby and Anna and Eric, who I grew to have an innocent crush on. (he was a more attractive version of Kevin, I was wrong in 10th grade.) Jason was also in Physics, a fun guy who was in our US History class, too. I started to love reading more and more and therefore grew closer to the Annas than my old friends, and they started doing things without me, too. Anna talked about this show, Arrested Development, that was supposedly really funny. Olivia watched it, too, and so did Azia. Azia and I were getting closer, because her bus merged with mine (or mine with hers) and we sat by each other and talked when she wasn't asleep. I had French with Anna, Anna, and Tina, where I met Anthony, a boy who is truly hilarious. I also met Allison Quach and the 6 of us had a soap opera planned out. Annas and I BSed through Shumate's class, and still got really good grades on everything. I didn't even do one of our projects because I hated it so much. A+

second semester-
I tried to take orchestra 7th period, but Ken said they only offer it to people in 4th period, too. Damn Physics. I met this girl with a pink mohawk named Phoebe who played cello and was sad I couldn't join them. Abby, Anna, Eric, and I would study physics at Abby's house all the time, and it was always a riot. And Eric was always attractive. I got really close to Katie in English, since she sat next to me. We promised to go to prom together if we didn't have dates. Anna Castro, Abby, and I ate lunch in Physics every day. Weirdest part of junior year. I swear. But amazing, nonetheless. Mr. Van was always hilarious. I noticed Anna Harley was that girl who used to each lunch with me in ninth grade whose name I could never remember. Embarassing. She started to date that guy Jason from Physics and Shumate's. Castro introduced me to Mikey, who was that long-haired funny guy from my Calc class in 10th grade. He worked at starbucks and turned out to be a great guy. I finally met the infamous Suejung that Jamie often talked about, and realized how amazing, kind, and smart she is. I learned to hate Yearbook, cried, and vowed to never take it again. Over the summer I went to Boston with Sean and Olivia, and stayed at Olivia's aunt's. We visited colleges, and I fell in love with Boston College, Wellesley (I know it's a girls school, but it's the prettiest thing I've ever seen), and Amherst, which I didn't get into. Anna, Olivia, Sean and I surprised Leslie by kidnapping her and taking her to Huntington and tea in Pasadena because we love her that much. I hung out with Castro over summer a lot (while Harley was in Canada), and I rekindled friendship with the twins and Sean Delshad, and learned to like that redhead, Spencer.

Senior Year:
first semester-
Took yearbook again. Why? I don't know. And AP Lit with Allford. And spent 6th period there, too. Mikey, Annas, Tina, Sean, Eric, and I are all in Lit together. Joined orchestra with Phoebe, Tina, Mikey, Ana, and met Kyle (mini-me) and Angie, two people I've grown to love. Harley let me borrow her cello for free since I had given my old one away. I became a peer college counselor and met Jessica and got to know Ryan better. While on a break with Sean, I met this cute guy named Samir and convinced him to join yearbook. We dated for a month or two. I met this girl in yearbook I had never seen before named Maggy, who is also in Lit, and she turned out to be pretty great. Maggy is best friends with Maeve, who I met back in 9th grade, and they were both in our Econ class. Michelle was also in Econ, who I met in tennis, and her mom is co-coordinator of Everybody Reads, which Castro introduced me to, and that Suejung also goes to. Anna, Anna, and I entered the Questbridge scholarship thing, and all became finalists. Castro won a full scholarship to Amherst. Margarita brought this guy Corey who doesn't know Azia's middle name but wants to to where we ate at lunch, and Shant brought this girl Sam. Amy started drifting away, being married to her girlfriend Lexy. Abby, too, being married to her boyfriend, Preet. I missed both, but still stayed good friends. Leslie had deca so we never really saw her; she was always working her ass off.

second semester (until now)-
Leslie's back and she brought joy with her. I had a huge crush on Mikey--a stupid, pointless crush--because he's basically exactly what I want, but I got over it and now he's one of my best friends. The Triumvirate features him quite often. Shimshone, Spencer, Sean, and Elush are occasionally part of my life due to the transitive property, and I'm cool with that. Annas and I did fashion show, where I was reunited with the amazing Anthony, and then I realized how much like Joel in Eternal Sunshine I am. ("Why do I fall in love with every girl who pays me the least bit of attention?") Minus girl, add boy. Yeah, Anthony had my mind for a bit, he's damn gorgeous. In yearbook, I've had a chance to get to know Maggy more, and I've decided that she's pretty great. Madeline also emerged as my favorite underclassmen on the staff; she's way cool. Even Danyial found a place in my heart, I swear Yearbook creates this unspoken bond Harley speaks of often. I'd defend Danyial with my life, even if he doesn't know that. Him or anyone else on the staff. Except Allford. She's constantly pushing the limits of her cruelty. Whenever you think she can't get worse, she does. I have no respect for her any longer. None. Abby broke up with Preet, and is starting to talk to me more; I really missed her. Tina and I are like this *crosses fingers* from Lit and Orchestra, god I love that girl. I grew away from Olivia, Shant, and Jonathan, but I still kept Margarita, Ali, Amy, and even Corey around. They're there for me when i need it. Jamie Young is and always has been my amazing blonde bombshell, babe of robotics. Azia and I are going to prom because she's awesome like that. College letters came and this web, constantly tangled around and inside itself looks like its going to stretch out all over the country in a few months.

Jamie's probably going to Berkeley, Azia might go to Cal Poly, Castro will be in Amherst, Harley will be at i-don't-know-where-but-it's-not-swarthmore-and-thats-the-point, Sean will be staying here, Mikey will be at Reed...

I'll be at Swarthmore, alone.

Fate is definitely circular, we always end around where we started, but altered in some way. college is the next turn of the wheel, and I'll build a new web, blahblahblah...

But this hurts, it really does. it really does. it really does.

i promise, it hurts.